Bar-crossed lovers: Dating in prison

Dominik (25) is serving three and a half years in prison for aggravated assault, which he says he committed to protect a close family member. When reporter Carolina visited him last October for our second Life Links webisode #drugtrap, he was fighting his drug addiction. Nowadays he writes love letters.

How have people reacted to your love?

A few people in here and out there were against it. They said that Jennifer wouldn't last long, that she wouldn't put up with the situation for more than two months. But it's all just a test of our love. Jennifer's ex, for one, took it really badly. He stalked her. That was really hard on both of us, because I couldn't protect her. On the other hand, being locked up here saved me from doing something stupid.

You're going to be released in a few months. What'll hold you back from doing stupid things for love then?

I don't know. If you love somebody - family, friends or your children - you'll do anything to protect them. But I will try to choose the right path if possible. Now everything is calm. I hope it'll stay like this.

What if you run into Jennifer's ex once you get out?

That would be a f*****-up situation.

What would you do?

I would just walk past him. And I really do have a shot at achieving that, because Jennifer helps me overcome these situations. I hope I'll be able to walk past him, because I really do want to.

How did you fall in love?

Jennifer and I went to the same school, but we didn't have much contact back then. Last year I got to leave prison for Christmas, and all of a sudden she contacted me via Facebook. We met up one evening and spent the whole night together. It just happened.

When did you notice that you wanted something serious?

She knew it from the beginning. She didn't want to let me go. But I was feeling insecure, because I've been in prison for more than three years now, and she's the first woman since then who's gotten close to me. I didn't know what to do, what to say or not to say. A relationship means responsibility and I wasn't sure if I was able to take that step. It was new to me, all this flirting stuff.

How are things going so far?

It's quite hard. I'm still in here and she's free, and we only see each other twice a month when she comes to visit me. But so far we're doing fine.

How do you stay in touch across prison walls?

We send each other letters every day. That's really important to us. Sometimes, when I'm having a bad day - which happens way too often in here - and I get a letter from her, it gives me strength. We're allowed to talk on the phone once a week, but that's not so easy either, since I only get one chance to reach her. At first it sucked when she didn't pick up, but I'm getting better at accepting that she has to keep living and enjoying her life out there. Sometimes I feel jealous though, because I'm very mistrustful of other people. But we're doing all right.

What's the procedure when she comes to visit you?

For the first three months we just had regular visits. But since then we've been allowed to meet twice a month in a private "cuddle cell", where we aren't watched. The guards lock us in there together and we get some time to ourselves.

What does the cuddle cell look like?

There's a loveseat and a round table with two chairs. Then there's a toilet, a shower and an electric kettle - that's it. It's not really comforting seeing the concrete pillars in front of the windows either. But we try to make it as comfortable as possible by chatting, eating a bit or just cuddling. When I get there I make coffee and I always put a blanket over the sofa because you don't know who was there before. In the end, a private cell still is still just a cell, you know?

Can you really get close to someone in that kind of environment?

It was really hard and unpleasant at first, because it felt strange, just the two of us in one cell. Besides that, Jennifer also gets locked in with me, which feels really strange. And then time just flies by so fast. You can't think about it because that only makes things worse. That's why I always take down the clock and just turn it around.

Do you have any other rituals when you see each other?

First of all, I give her a hug and tell her how happy I am to see her. I always get really excited when I have to wait in my cell before she arrives. But when she gets here everything is all right, all my worries are gone. She always gives me a high five. It's those little things that make me stronger. The moment she sees me, she smiles, because I'm smiling too. She's happy and I'm happy. The future and the past don't matter, it's only the moment that counts.

What about the moment when she has to leave?

The officers are always on time, and they let you know when you have five minutes left. Then we have to get ready. Hanging up the phone is a lot easier than letting her go again. That's really, really hard. But then we say goodbye and cheer each other up by saying things like, "We can make it. Stay strong, just a few months left. And then we tell each other that we love each other.