As an 18-year-old intern at a bank in Nigeria, I was required to work weekends. Come closing time one Saturday afternoon, one of the male tellers who lived along my route home asked if we could travel together.
But first, he wanted to make a detour to pick something up.
Arriving at his stop, he invited me into the apartment where he said he needed to collect some of his belongings. As soon as the door opened, he forced me onto the bed, and tried to have sex with me.
He tore open my jeans.
He beat me.
Somehow, I fought my way out of the apartment and fled the building.
I could not tell anyone
What followed was equally as traumatic as the assault itself.
I couldn't tell anyone what happened: my parents, pastors, friends or aunties. I worried about being judged.
Thankfully, I was not raped. But I was left with a mental pain which later developed into post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
The experience played back repeatedly in my mind — it still does to this day.
In the years following my assault in that apartment, I often find myself thinking about what I could have done differently and what I could have done instead of keeping quiet.
Had I had more life experience or not been so naive about being judged, I may have told friends and family of the attack. I could have reported my attacker to the police for him to be brought to justice. I could have told my boss at the bank. So many 'I coulds ...'
Don't judge or question victims
When a man sexually assaults a woman, a number of judgmental questions are often asked of those attacked. 'Why did you put yourself in such a position?' 'What were you wearing?' 'What did you say to him?' Laying the blame squarely on the woman — the victim — almost justifying what the attacker did.
To eliminate violence against women and girls, victims need to be believed when making assault allegations — gone are the days when female assault victims can be judged or questioned.
A survivor of gender-based violence does not deserve additional pain. They require patience and a kind ear. Allowing them to tell their stories makes other violence survivors realize they are not alone.
Victims should not be ashamed of their stories. Provide them with a platform to express their pain and anxiety. Only then can the possible psychological effects of the trauma they experienced (hopefully) be curtailed.
There should be continual public education: Women and girls everywhere — in kindergartens, schools, universities and workplaces — should be reminded that gender-based violence is not okay and it's okay to speak up when men are abusive.
Such efforts should not be limited to the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.
Curbing gender-based violence leads to a healthier society.
A collaborative effort must be made to educate men and boys on how to stop toxic and violent behavior, rape or forced marriage against women.
Edited by: Benita van Eyssen and Jessie Wingard